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November 27th, 2009
02:43 pm
i wouldn't say i am depressed, but certainly this hasn't really been a good week.
still feel the hurt from time to time, always wondering if it's a right decision to make.
but on the other hand, somehow it feels lighter, and perhaps i am really not able to face and bear the consequences that will follow should i stay on.
i am trying hard to get past these feelings, i know it will take time, but am glad i have my dear dear friends with me.
sam, for his simple sms-es. even a simple "how are you today" makes me feel really touched. he is not overly mushy and seems to be nochalant about it, but i know deep down in my heart he cares.
sarah, for just telling me her house is open to me 24/7 whenever i need a place to run and hide to cry my heart out. :)
qi and cc for just telling me they will be there whenever i need to talk. and for being my pillars of strength at work.
and look at what the girls got me.. a cheer-up kit! qi gave me the pouch last sun, and cc gave me the kit on mon. when i took pics of these, i kinda teared because i feel really really loved.
thank you girls (yes, including you sam).
i really love all of you, and i wouldn't trade you girl for anything in the world. even though it may be through heartaches (esp qi and cc) that we became closer, i would still say it is all worth it! :))
cc, qi and i with our "sons". and no, Thor is not qi,s dog, she just kidnapped him for this pic. haha...
my cheer-up kit from the girls!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/curious.gif) indescribable
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November 22nd, 2009
10:57 am - questions and no answers
i bought a new Loewe bag 2 days ago. feels damn good. got it for 1/2 the price. very very soft leather. i could just hug it to sleep. felt so high the whole day after buying it.
And i thought, material things could really make me feel better.
went to Pierre's farewell party on Friday night. it was a house party, met lots of new people and there were cute guys too. qi and I went with Gordon to Stereolab for like 10 mins and we quietly slipped away. went to Xin Wang at Marina and we talked for almost 2 hrs..
And i thought, it's good to be single because i am really enjoying my life.
met him for lunch on Saturday and somehow, i wasn't as calm as before. lashed out at him for the pain i went thru the last 4 years. made it very clear to him that i want to be alone for now. the more i said, the angrier i got. yes true, it wasn't any better for him. but at least he had eq.
And i thought, it is all for the better now that things are made clear.
went to bed at 3am and couldn't sleep. kept wondering what is wrong with me. why have i changed? what happened to all the repercussions that i was so willing to bear, but now i am afraid of? what is still pushing me to him yet pulling away? am i so afraid and jealous of not being a priority? am i so selfish to just leave everything and go for the easy way out? am i mad to give all these up and run?
i am stuck. i can't move forward and i can't go back. even if i want to give it another shot, i am not so sure of us anymore.
i don't want to think anymore. it's hurting.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/sleepy.gif) drained
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November 15th, 2009
09:46 pm
i am just so close to:
1. giving up
OR
2. having what i always wanted.
i would think that giving up would be the only logical thing to do. because let's face it, choice no. 2 is still something that I am not sure about. i have serious doubts and i don't know if i can believe in it anymore.
words that were supposed to comfort and assure me suddenly seems so empty. i have heard all those before and no matter how patient i am, how gracious i try to be about the whole thing, it is still futile. you can't make someone do something against their will.
i have enough of this bad karma.
it is so difficult but i think i really need to try very very very hard now. i can so easily pretend that this is just another hiccup which will be easily forgotten if i allow it to be. should i? i really don't know. everything can go back to being "normal", we could go back to being happy again as long as we continue to keep the skeletons in the closet.
i need to remember that i really tried my best.
i need remember that i had given chances for explanations.
i need to remember to be good to myself, to love myself more.
i need to remember what it feels like to be really happy once more.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/sad.gif) crushed
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November 14th, 2009
11:51 am - the father of my baby
i decided during lunch yesterday that Sam will be the best man to be the father of my baby.
reasons:
1. we have know each other since we were 18
2. had fights and made up (i forgot to wake him up for a test when we were in poly and he was upset with me lor)
3. i didn't talk to him for 3 years but yet he accepted me back into his life when i was "released" from my ex nazi-ruler boyfriend
4. i have known him for so long yet i can still tolerate and love him
5. friendships and sisterhood can't beat anything else, love between a man and woman will fade off eventually, but sisters and friends will stand by each other for a long long long long long time.
so there. why should i find a man who thinks that he loves me and treats me so nice now, but 1 yr down the road all the ugly sides of him (and me) will show and we will not be able to stand each other anymore?
yes i am cynical, but i really think that nice-ness don't last.
sigh. depressing yet true huh?
13th november wasn't a good day for me, i felt cheated and it was though someone had punched me in the stomach and i can't breathe when i knew something that should've been told to me long ago.
but i am very glad that i have sam, cc & yq. i love u girls. you are now my only pillar of strength.. don't leave me!!!
Current Mood: disappointed
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November 1st, 2009
06:10 am - happy halloween!
the last time i had a halloween party was i think 4 yrs back. and today (should be last nite) i went out with cc, qi, coryne, cynthia, samuel, wanjun and cheryl for halloween party @ Le Noir and later on to Butterfactory.
great night, great company. that's all it matters.
i love the girls and i just wished that life can be simple like that.
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October 19th, 2009
10:39 pm - quack quack quack
hmm..read my friend's blog. wondering if she was talking about me? the way she described it felt like me.
anyhows, i am happy i have ppl like her,qi, sam,zu di and sarah with me. :)
all our corny, stupid jokes makes the world a happier place.
oh, and i just went a bit mad trying to find pictures of a pair of mandarin ducks for my wallpaper.
all because a friend told me that maybe i should try putting a pair of mandarin ducks on my bedhead (which btw, i have NONE, coz i'm sleeping on a pull-out bed). supposedly it will enhance your love life.
actually i didn't really know where to get mandarin ducks, so told my friend to get the rubber duckies that one hotel in shanghai provides (they have pair, one yellow and one pink!)..but he said i cannot be cheapo, if not won't work...hahahaha....
and good things are to be shared! i sent the picture below to cc, qi, coryne and sam.
hahahhahaa... we all are good people, we deserve love yeah!!!!
so even if i do not have a bedhead, no worries, i'll try to surround myself with pictures of mandarin ducks... till ( i get sick of them! hahahaha)
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October 18th, 2009
10:03 pm - busy oct!
it's the 3rd week of October already! it had been a busy month, and I've actually been going out more.
last weekend was spent at Coastes at Siloso beach where they had their 5th yr anniversary thingy. me, qi and cc went with cynthia and samuel. nice food, nice ambience, we spotted a cute guy who looked like Carter from Gossip Girls, danced a bit and we had very heartfelt and kinda emo conversations towards the end of the night.
conversations i had with qi and cc that night made me take a good look at my situation now, and yes, it is far from normal, but somehow along the way, it all became very normal to me.
to a point where i kinda stopped nagging and pushing about things i should be concerned about.
and the whole of last week, i began to find things changing bit by bit. maybe when i am occupied with my stuff, i don't really need him around. but i don't know why he started to get on my nerves a little and i don't seemed to want to meet him that much.
i think it's because he just brushed the issue aside again when i tried to talk about it, i just felt very sian with the whole thing.
but when i think of giving up, i will be very sad.
and so the whole blardy thing just keep going round and round and till now i have no answers for myself.
so, i am glad that i am going out more, at least i don't have to think of why we are not spending weekends together, at least when i am with friends i am happy.
开心就好。
sometimes, easier said than done.
anyways, work is still crazy, just hope that the holiday season can be here soon .. life without bosses are sweet. bliss even.
hope everything will work out fine... oh! and cc told us about the safari halloween thingy..can't wait!!!
Coastes 5th Anniversary - 10th Oct
CLEO Rocks Party @ Zirca - 16th Oct
Wavehouse Opening @ Siloso Beach - 17th Oct
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/okay.gif) blah
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September 19th, 2009
03:16 pm - games and more games
dinner @ First Thai @ Purvis Street with Yingkai, Sam & Jodie. super spicy but yummy thai food..makes me wanna go Bangkok SOON!
we went over to Mind Cafe snd spent 4 hours there playing The Big Taboo, Blokus,some monkey game and another one that involves snatching of a stick.
hahhaa... i can't remember the names of all the games we played, but it was a super super fun night.
I don't think i have had so much for a while already.
words can't really describe how good the night was.
i love my friends and this part of my life.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/happy.gif) happy
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September 12th, 2009
08:05 pm - Movie night out with the babes
went with Jac, Coryne, Celia and Yu Qi to watch The Time Traveller's Wife last night.
we ate till our stomachs looked at least 3 months pregnant at Chong Qing Ma La Hotpot before the movie.
and since it was a BUFFET dinner, we just kept ordering (actually by "we", i meant yq n cc coz they did most of the ordering). there were ALOT of food for 5 girls. in the end, we had to give up some food coz there were simply TOO MUCH. haha...
it was a good dinner, as usual, lotsa laughter and just mindless conversations to end the work week off perfectly.
The Time Traveler's Wife is a pretty good show. of coz, there were mostly emo scenes, but with yq sitting beside me, it somehow became a little of a comedy. before the movie, i thought maybe being able to time travel seems quite cool. but if you had to be naked every single time you time travel and you have to steal clothes before u time travel back, it's gonna be quite tiring. so, no thanks to that.
cc, yq,coryne and me went to the new coffeeclub at Wheelock Place to chill after the movie. i can't believe we see each other every other day, but still can talk so much. tsk tsk... maybe girls really are very talkative....
cc and myself also talked about the time i stayed at her place we'll talk about what happened in the day at the office when both of us are back home and then bitch about ppl and stuff.
now i think about it, i guess it's quite fun to stay with your firiends and talk and unwind at the end of the day.just like in Friends. haha... maciam so lame and corny hor.
***
went with him for breakfast at Beach Road Prawn mee today. had the beehoon soup, i think the dry mee version still nicer lah. anyways about 2 hours later we were hungry again. then went to eat the zhap chai peng at Katong Mall. actually the zhap chai peng is not cheap lor, but i dunno why both of us like it very much, it tastes like what my mama would cook.. maybe the aunty secretly put in some drugs in the food to make us go back...
***
going to chill with jodie later-er and to some new club at Illuma. she says her les friend jio her there, but there we might meet some SP ppl too.
anyways, im very lazy lah, but i'm gonig just to keep her company. think she needs it..
so now i'm going to find some slack clothes that are acceptable as clubwear .. ciao!
Current Mood: bouncy
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September 2nd, 2009
10:16 pm - it's september already!
oohhh.. it's Sep already!!!
so, i've been with Cartier for a year already. things i remembered while working this past year:
1. Slogging
2. more slogging
3. scoldings
4. frustrations
5. horrible hours
6. colleagues who became great FRIENDS
7. morning coffee breaks with the girls
8. dinners and gathering with the girls
i guess my work life is pretty much balanced. yah it's true i work long hours sometimes, but then again, if i don't complete my work, who else will do it for me? call me crazy, but sometimes i kind of enjoy working. takes my mind off things and i actually do feel accomplished, especially for the past 6 months when i'm kinda taking on 2 roles (before my new manager comes in 1st Oct).
and i get a kick out of it whenever i see that i've exceeded the budget for the month. feels really good. i think that i am lucky, but i also put in a lot of effort ok! heh...
just hope and pray very hard that the new manager will be ok to work with.. i don't have a good feeling leh. don't know why..hope i'm wrong.
***
just back from Siem Reap last Sunday with Sam, Limin and Rena. it was a GREAT trip. ok, i was tired out from all the temple climbing and the hot hot hot sun (which left me Birkie tan lines on my feet!), but i truely enjoyed because it was a HOLIDAY!!!! it's really a much needed break for me. 4 days only, but i had the fabulous girls with me.
and then i realised, it doesn't really matter where you go for a holiday, it's really the people that you go with.
oh! and i'm most prob going to BKK in dec with LS! :))))) very happy... shopping, eating, massages.... i love!!!
***
anyways.. august had been a very busy month.
1. we went for a spa treatment for LS birthday, the day before we had dinner at the seafood place at Marina Pier.
2. sam, jas and kenerf's bday dinner at Cumi Bali @ Tanjong Pagar. Fantastic food! the sambal chilli is to die for... and chill for drinks afterwards at Rewind. They have really nice Expresso Martini there!
3. Siem Reap. fabulous.
4. actually, i don't remembered what else i did. i only remembered going out a lot. hahaha....
***
feeling very bloated now. need. ENO.
Current Mood: sleepy
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July 4th, 2009
11:56 pm - Picnic & Crabby Dinner
it's a happy day!
went for a picinic at ECP with huey, limin, sam & rena. wines, beers, juices, cheese, biscuits were the menu for the day. it was hot hot hot, but we reached there ard 4 plus and soon it was evening already...
oh! and we saw 2 helicopters, think they were waiting for their cue to fly past for the NDP preview. oh, and also saw the heli with our national flag....
huey & rena had cravings for crabbies, so dinner was settled at No Signboard Seafood restaurant. very yummy, we weren't too hungry to start off with, so by the end of dinner our stomachs were ready to explode.
it's just a simple day with my dear old friends, but it was a day well spent, filled with laughter and planning for our Siem Reap trip in August. I really can't wait!!!
Current Mood: cheerful
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February 16th, 2009
01:22 am - Xuan & Keith's wedding and birth of baby Ezanne
the day started at 2.30am. we had a family meal at 3am, and then the makeup artiste was here at 3.30am to dress up the bride. i think we were very noisy (sorry neighbours!), but all in good fun. think all the jie mei's enjoyed themselves, at least the xiong dis and groom were sporting enough.
went to the restaurant in the evening and got my hair and makeup done too. i looked... OLD. ya. i think i'm better off with really light makeup and nothing done to my hair. really. anyways, the dinner thru smoothly, and everyone was happy. except that the groom got drunk... poor him lah. puked like 1-3 bags of vomit. eewwwww.......
oh! and Jingyi gave birth to baby Ezanne this noon. she had her contractions when she reached our place this morning, and Patrick quickly sent her to the hospital where she gave birth barely 2 hrs later. really "double happiness" leh.......
oh now im so tired but can't sleep. my father and uncles and aunty are continuing their joy at home. with MJ. argh.........
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February 14th, 2009
12:29 pm - xuan's big day tomorrow..
ok, so my (younger) sis's getting married tomorrow. am i excited? not really.
but i'm going to do my nails later on, and tomorrow night i'm getting my hair and makeup done for the dinner. because i'm just being me, vain!
but still, i'm not all that excited. the thought of having to wake up at 3AM tomorrow morning kinda puts me off. (yes, our family's teochew, and so is the groom's family. that explains why my sis have to be married off before the sun even rise.) if only i can sleep at 6pm tonight and wake up all fresh and awake tomorrow. arghhh.....
oh, and there are SO MANY things to prepare for the wedding. it really really puts me off. seeing how the bride-to-be and the groom-to-be have been slogging off the days and nights and squabbling and arguing over the preparation. all just for ONE NIGHT.
so yes, i'm not going to go through all these if i'm going to marry. nope nope nope.
***
and so today is valentine's day. no plans, nothing. oh, just my nails and some last minute stuff to grab for the wedding tomorrow.
one of my friend just msn-ed me. said that better to hide offline, if not we'll just look like losers with no dates today. pfffttt. i think i'm truely over that.
but maybe i should wait till later when i'm out. most likely i'll see couples all drenched in love and flowers and presents. i'll probably come back sick. help!
***
we had a nice pre-valentine's dinner last night. went to the usual place @ Marina Pier. nice food, nice company.
had an impromptu talk about what may happen in the near (and not so near) future.
and i have like a million thoughts in my mind right now. i think it's the first time i want to run away from thinking about all these, instead of laying the cards on the table and talk through everything.
Current Mood: confused
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January 27th, 2009
11:53 am - overdose
i must have OD-ed on those cny goodies.
sore throat, slight cough and slight runny nose.
pffftttt.
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January 25th, 2009
09:14 pm - happy 牛year
first CNY in 2 years! kinda looking forward to it. at least I got to have a reunion dinner this yr! (not like last year when i had to fly off on new yr's eve to brisbane!)
off to Guan Yin temple later tonight then to squeeze with the rest of the folks in Chinatown!
happy 牛 year to everyone!
cheerios!
Current Mood: cheerful
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December 22nd, 2008
09:00 pm - @ 45!!!!
i think it must be the stress.
i finally dropped to 45kg. the last time i weighed that, i was in secondary school.
argh...... why so stress... why!!!!!!
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December 14th, 2008
11:35 am - i wish you were here.....
nice day to stay in my cosy bed. if only i had that someone to share it with.
oh, had a nice dream. dreamt that i was choosing wall colours for my new home, with my someone! sweetness....
if only that was real.
went to a party at Novotel Hotel last night and we got kicked out coz we were really really noisy..haha.. well i guess we just have to hold parties at deserted areas then...
***
it had been a really week. worked late all the nights and last wed, even reached home at 1am. crazy crazy week. and still nowhere near our budget. sigh. im not responsible to bring in the blardy sales lah.. what has it got to do with me when we don't hit our budget! and i just wish that someone will stop being such a bastard boss!!!
really.. if i keep on working like this... maybe like what Sam said, i should just start planning a life for myself (a.k.a. singlehood for a lifetime). depressing. really really depressing.
***
my sis is getting married soon!!! happy for her.. but will kinda miss her when she's going to move out...
never thought it'll happen so soon... maybe it's time i really really grow up.
Current Mood: crappy
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November 23rd, 2008
11:31 pm - pictures taken at weddings
was browing thru some pictures in facebook and i realised something.
pictures taken at weddings often DO NOT include the wedding couple. and the album will still be titled "so & so's wedding".
hahahaha.....
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November 15th, 2008
10:31 pm - a bridesmaid.. again!
finally...bought a dress for christine's wedding day. susan, babe, me and genevieve gg to be her bridesmaid aka jie mei. so all of us are going to wear the same colour but different design...
act went hunting for dressmakers at Far East yesterday and found none suitable. then babe saw a website that has a store at far east specialising in bridesmaid dresses etc.. so today susan and me had to go down to see again.
and i got this!
picture courtesy of www.lovepotion.com.sg
but it's not in pink.. it's in grey (like the waistband colour) with pink rose....
i super like!! chiffon material.. can wear to work as well!! i like i like! but not cheap.. about $120. but well, it's made to measure, so still quite worth it.
but susan had a more difficult time coz they did not have the design she wanted, so she had to do one dress from scratch. the boutique owners (Claris and Winnie) were very nice and patient ah... made us even more pai seh when susan can't decide from the designs that they already have.
at least it's a load off my mind liao.. do you know how difficult it is to find 4 similar but different dresses! headache ah! oopss...i forgot something. i need shoes to match!!! cham!!!
hmm... on the other hand... i suddenly had a thought.
am i gg to end up like Katherine Heigl on 27 Dresses... always the bridesmaid and never the bride??? argh!!!!!!!!!!
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October 31st, 2008
09:02 pm - Romance is not dead! it's just short-lived..
i met the qyn, chua, sherry & sarah last night... as usual, i was the last to meet them. almost missed the gossips.. but ok lah, as usual, they will repeat juicy news. :p
well... sherry's dating someone new, a guy who's 4 yrs younger than her. ah chua has not contacted that william for quite a while already, sarah's still with her jap bf.. and qyn has problems in her marriage.
qyn was saying, her husband had all the privilege and time in the world to be more sensitive to her, to treat her nicer etc... but why didn't he? had to wait till when her heart is dying then he makes an effort to be nice to her... why? but we reasoned that she knew her hubby was like this right from the start..
but well, maybe every girl wants romance. though we can condition ourselves to compromise, to give in (because at the start, we are so madly in love, so in the honeymoon period, we turn blind eyes to every fault we see).
but after some time, we will start to realise, maybe we want more than that. we start to compare. we start to think,why other guys can do what we want, but our own bf/husband can't?
and today, i realised that men can be romantic. but only at the start. when they are still trying to impress you, trying to pull you to their side. after which they MAY sometimes (ONLY) show romantic gestures.
sigh. so sad right. i am absolutly sure that i am not going to find a charming man to sweep me off my feet. nor somemore who will still be romantic after being with me for a long long time.
SIGH!!!
Current Mood: blah
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